Readers are a special species. No, We are not talking about the casual readers here. But someone who is a hardcore book lover. A book lover would rather prefer to cuddle in a warm blanket with hot cocoa, order in pizza and get engrossed in a book; over dressing up for a party.

The readers whose idea of a productive day is having finished an entire book. Binging for them is reading marathons, and they own more books than they have read. They never leave their home without the library card, and spend a fortune on books (without any regret whatsoever). They hesitate to lend you their books.

Surviving with a book lover is walking on a tightrope, one which is situated at heights that make you dizzy. Like I said before, they are a special breed.

But figuring out readers isn’t a Herculean task, even though there are a handful quips you will have to resist the urge to use as banter. Trust me, you need to keep these to yourself. Unless you want ‘that look’.

1.

Just like I can read 10 tiny ones. Can you hear how silly you sound when you ask me that question Words are my fuel, and also my lullaby. Stories are my escape and also my reality. I like fat books and I cannot lie.

And sometimes another quip that comes too often with the ‘fat book’ argument is: “It doesn’t even have pictures. How do you read such a boring book?”

First of all, back off. Second, logic commands that you read a book thoroughly before making conclusive statements like the abhorrent one you just made.

In case it isn’t evident to you already, the book lover in me is enraged.

2. 

Are you seriously going to ask me to choose my favorite kid? I am not even going to argue with you on this one because your question is thoroughly incomplete.

Be specific. I am a reader, respect the respect I give to words and brevity. (Among other things like puns and alliterations!)

Which genre do you want me to talk about? When you say favorite, do you mean like, Top 5? Should I name all my favorite authors?

How about I give a list of all the favorite short stories I have read, from around 100 writers? Should I give you recommendations about Nihilist and Absurdist literature?

Do you want me to talk about my favorite book of a particular author, because, in case you don’t know, authors usually write multiple books? Do you have enough time? Unless your answer to ALL of these is yes, go home and revise your questions.

3. 

Let us get this straight: you cannot tell me the movie was better because a) that isn’t the truth

b) this is a deal-breaker.

I understand all that jazz about respecting individual choices and if the only way you can appreciate a book is by watching it’s cinematic or television adaptation, it is fine by me. But, yet again, you haven’t acquired a position important enough in society to say that the movie was better.

I am not being sentimental, it is just facts. Due to constraints of financial nature, limitations of time, and the very nature of cinematic fabric, the plot loses it’s thickness and it’s intricacies are lost.

A little more annoying fact is that the story lines are often tweaked in an adaptation, to make it a commercial success. Understandable, but that doesn’t justify your ill-informed, thoroughly-generic opinions

“Never judge a book by its movie.”

– J.W. Eagen

4. 

*Bookworm rage intensifies*

“Why do you have so many songs on your playlist, pal?”

“But you don’t even read these and buy more”

“It’s called book hoarding and it is an art”

5. 

Say that again?

Oh okay. Your subscription to my friendship is hereby cancelled.

Same goes for a book returned with dog-eared pages. Ever heard of bookmarks, you lousy non-reader?

6. 

If this is the kind of friend you want to be, telling me that heartbreaks don’t hurt and deaths shouldn’t be grieved, then I don’t need you in my life.

Be supportive, and when you see me upset, don’t try to rationalise it. Instead, ask me about which book character died this time, or which pair of star-crossed lovers I am rooting for.

Talking about them will be therapeutic for me. But if you feign normalcy like my universe didn’t just shatter when Augustus Waters died, then I will feign our entire friendship.

7. 

I don’t.

I have school/job and community activities AND a social life.

But have you heard of something called priorities?

8. 

I don’t know, are YOU?

Who am I kidding, right? Navigating the waters with an avid reader by your side is in fact a Herculean undertaking.

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